Only By God’s Grace

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This is a declaration most Christians use bountifully. Sometimes they mean it. Sometimes they just say it as part of their vocabulary. When you congratulate them for a promotion, a new car or a new house, they’d say “Only by God’s grace” as a canned answer. But not really something coming deep from their hearts, just out of habit.

I don’t use this statement as much in the past because I feel that most of my achievements were born out of my hardwork (or so I thought). If I wanted to get a certain job, I’d make sure I ace the interview. When I want to buy something expensive, I plan, save and make every effort to get what I wanted. When I have events to host, I confidently do my job as best as I can. So when people compliment me for a great job, I couldn’t quite say, ” Only by God’s grace” because it really was my effort to get things done. Yes, God is in control and He can change the outcome in a snap of His finger even if I did an awesome job at something. But in my heart, it was my effort. I wasn’t on top just because of praying. I was achieving because I was working extra hard.

And then I became a mom.

Guess what?

ONLY BY GOD’S GRACE!

Wow! For the first time in my life I had genuinely said, only by God’s grace. There is no way I would survive this motherhood thing without God. I always tell my husband that this is the hardest thing I had ever gone thru in my life. This is harder than a Navy Seals Training, harder than Bar Exam and harder than anything I could think of! This is just ultra hard. I would have (literally) lost my sanity. I am still in awe I survived motherhood for more than a year without taking anti depressant or even visiting a psychologist. Each and everyday…… Only by God’s grace.

Sometimes, I want to go back in time and have the life I used to have. Worrying about what to wear tomorrow. Thinking of whether I should buy the brown or red bag instead. Figuring out which lipstick shade will match me more. Be in control of my life and be confident, independent and unshakeable. But then, God knows how to better shape me. He brought me to a place I can’t handle. He humbled me and made me realize that no matter how great I am at many things. No matter how many things I have accomplished in my life, I am nothing. I am nothing without Him. He is the one with ultimate control of me and the universe. I can’t do this mommy life without Jesus… Only by God’s grace.

So today, when people ask me how I survive motherhood, I genuinely say… Only by God’s grace.

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